RELATIONSHIPS – GOOD OR BAD?
Today is the day once a year we dedicate to celebrate romantic love, friendship and admiration.
Hopefully every day we aspire to be better than yesterday especially in our relationships.
What is it that makes relationships good or bad? The “Gottman Institute” did an extensive study with over 3000 couples following some as long as 20 years.
They discovered in a bad relationship 70% of the problems they dealt with were unresolvable. What’s interesting is that in a great relationship 70% of the problems they dealt with were unresolvable. What’s the difference? The difference is in how they respond to the problems. This validates the concept that problems are not the problem, but it is our response to the problem that is the problem.
We can’t change unresolvable problems, but we can CHOOSE to change our response to them and our choice determines the outcome. There are 4 responses that in time destroy relationships and 4 responses that strengthen relationships. Let’s take a quick comparison to see how and where we can improve.
- Criticism vs. Appreciation (Grateful, gratitude)
- Defensive (Stop the offense – don’t want to talk) vs. Openness (listening – maybe later)
- Contempt (Blame, anger, putting down) vs. Honor (Building up, encouragement)
- Stonewalling vs. Acceptance ( Work it out, show appreciation)
Let me just say that if your thoughts went to your spouse or partner in reading this then YOU are a major part of the problem! Remember it is YOUR response to the problem that is the problem. You have no power or authority to change others. You have complete power and authority to change yourself. People say “If my partner would change I would love them more”. The reality is if you would learn how to love them more, they would probably change!
Let me end with one of my favorite concepts for a strong relationship:
When it comes to NEEDS think of others not myself
When it comes to CHANGE think of myself not others.
What’s next? Whenever you’re ready – here are three ways I can help you take your business to the next level:
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